


A Monster Like Me

by DarknessTurnsMeOn



Category: Avengers, Captain America
Genre: Challenges, F/M, Marvel Alternative Universe - Freeform, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 10:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14235324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarknessTurnsMeOn/pseuds/DarknessTurnsMeOn
Summary: This is a one shot I wrote for two challenges. My prompts were the song A Monster Like Me by Mørland & Debrah Scarlett (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1td70yaoS8) and “A monster like me doesn’t deserve to be loved”.I wrote that story from Bucky's POV.Song of the title : A Monster Like Me - Mørland & Debrah Scarlett





	A Monster Like Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot I wrote for two challenges. My prompts were the song A Monster Like Me by Mørland & Debrah Scarlett (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1td70yaoS8) and “A monster like me doesn’t deserve to be loved”.  
> I wrote that story from Bucky's POV.  
> Song of the title : A Monster Like Me - Mørland & Debrah Scarlett

 

The constant beeping of the machines. The slow and steady breath. Grey walls. Setting sun shyly picking through the taupe louvered shutters. Night is falling and so does the rain. The unremitting procession of nurses, doctors and sick people. Hospital life. It's been four days and nothing changed. She's still lying there, eyes closed, her body surrounded by white sheets, hands resting by her sides, sliver engagement ring shining around her ring finger, her chest rising and falling gently. I spent the last four days pacing up and down like a caged lion, constantly dwelling on how we met and what happened on that night.

 

“How is she today ?”, a nurse asks, entering the room, to check on the screens.

“Same as usual”, I answer, sitting on the chair next to the bed, grabbing the cold hand resting on the covers.

“Don't worry mister Barnes, she's going to wake up at some point”, she optimistically says. “And everything will be alright.”

 

She smiles and then, exists the room.

 

I intertwine my fingers with hers and smell her hand, looking for her usual scent, but it's not here anymore, it's long gone. Sweet Romance, that's the name of her perfume. It enchanted me from the beginning, the smell of plum and blackberry, the sweetness of the morning rose, mixed with jasmine. Sweet romance, not really what she signed of when she chose to be with me. It turned me upside down when I first smell it, the day I met her.

 

How can I even forget that blessed day, or rather night, I met her. It was five years ago. I remember the moment she stepped into the club, with Steve by her side. I'll always remember that little navy blue dress sprinkled with white birds. I was sitting with Sam, Clint, Natasha, Wanda, Peggy and Vision when he led her to our table, his hand on the small of her back to guide her towards us. When she came into the light, the first thing I noticed were smiling eyes and a bright smile on her painted red lips. She probably was the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I would probably be the most fucked-up man she would ever meet.

 

“Guys, let me introduce someone to you ! This is Y/N Howlett, she's my new neighbor.”

“Hi”, she waved at us.

“Of course you already know Peggy, and these are some of our friends, Sam Wilson, Clint Barton, his girlfriend Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, Vision Shade, her boyfriend, and James Barnes, my best friend, but he goes by Bucky.”

“Nice to meet all of you”, she said, her voice peaking over the loud music.

“So Steve finally managed to make you go out of your place”, Peggy stated.

“Yeah”, she answered, “he said I should meet new people as I haven't really had time to do it myself, he would make me meet some himself.”

“And that was an excellent choice”, Sam said, raising from his seat to take the one next to Y/N. “So beautiful, can I order you a drink ?”

“Sparkling water please. With a slice of lemon.”

“Consider it done !”, Sam exclaimed, rising on his feet. “Please, take a seat”, he gestured to her and, she complied, sitting next to Wanda.

 

After a few minutes, she started chattering with the girls, what about, I didn't really know, still don't for the matter, but didn't care and whatever they were talking about is not the subject. I was completely mesmerized by her, her bright Y/E/C eyes shining through the lights of the club, her Y/H/C hair glowing in the dark, her straight back, ankles crossed. I don't know which one of the girls said a funny thing but, she laughed, a crystal clear laugh, the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I haven't contemplate her enough that Sam came back a few minutes later with two glasses in his hands.

 

“There you are sweetheart”, he said, putting down the glass of water in front of Y/N.

“Thank you”, she told him and then took a sip of her beverage.

“Now let's talk about you, princess”, he began. “What do you do for living ?”

“I'm a dancer, a ballerina”, she answered.

“A ballerina. So I assume that you must be very supple then”, Sam added, not so cunningly, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Sam please, leave the poor girl alone”, Steve suddenly appeared next to us, standing a beer in one hand, his second one in his jeans pocket. “I already had a hard time to make her get out of her apartment, so please don't scare her.”

“What kind of show are you working on ?”, Wanda questioned.

“Swan Lake, that's the brand-new show my company is putting on. I've had the honor of being chosen to play the Swan Queen”, she responded, shyly blushing.

“Wow Swan Lake and Swan Queen, how... Amazing.”

“Say the truth Wilson, you don't know anything about that story.”

“Because you do Barnes, maybe ?”

“Actually, yes”, I answered him. “Swan Lake is a ballet written by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. It's about a princess, turned into a swan by an evil magician during the day, and she's human again by night. One day, a prince that was hunting the swan followed her to the lake she belonged, and when the moonlight hit on her, she became a beautiful princess, they both fell in love and to break the curse, he promised to marry her. Except that the magician didn't agree about that, and so he turned a black swan into the princess' clone, so when the prince saw the black swan at the ball, he thought she was his princess and promised her eternal love. But then, the trick is revealed and the prince rushes to his true love, but she's dying. They both die in the end. That's a very sad story.”

 

I took a mouthful of my beer, everyone was gazing wide-eyed at me.

 

“What ?”, I said. “It's not because that I'm in the army that I'm not cultivated.”

“You're in the army ?”, Y/N asked.

“Yes, so does Steve and Sam.”

“My dad was in the army too”, she smiled at me.

 

And that's how everything started. At the end of the night, we all head to Steve's apartment, and we left her next door, with the promise of a brunch at Steve's the next day. At the end of said-brunch, I headed back home with her phone number and a dinner date the next week to the great displeasure of Sam.

 

I took her somewhere fancy, because I wanted to woo her, literally.

 

“You didn't need to”, she said, when we stopped in front of the restaurant.

“I just wanted to treat you like you deserve to doll, a real princess.”

“I'm no princess, James.”

“That's what you say”, I winked at her.

 

We followed the maître d'hotel to the table I booked, and we started to chat of everything and nothing after we ordered food. When we get served, she simply hummed in pleasure when she took a bite of her pasta dish.

 

“So, what can you tell me about yourself ?”, I questioned her. “You told me your father was in the army.”

“Yes”, she responded, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “Maybe in your regiment you've already heard about James Howlett. Well I think you would have more heard about Logan Howlett, my dad goes by his middle name. He thinks that James is too common name. Please, don't be offended.”

“I'm not”, I chucked. “He's right by the way, James is a too common name.”

 

She laughed at it, so loud and clearly, it made some clients turning to our table.

 

“Sorry”, she said, drying away the tears from her eyes. “It's just, no one ever agrees with my dad, especially not my boyfriends. They were all afraid of him. But, my father is just a big bear, you have nothing to fear if he likes you.”

 

She took another bite of food.

 

“Those are absolutely delicious !”, she swallowed, “So where were we ? Oh yeah, you wanted to know about me. Well, I'm twenty-five years old, I was born at Salem Center, Westchester County, my uncles have a manor there. My mother finished her pregnancy there. Her name was Kayla and she was an artist. Since the beginning she knew she was sick, a cancer, a violent one. She knew that she was going to die. She was three months pregnant with me when she knew she wouldn't make it if she wasn't cured. She had to choose between chemotherapy or me, and she chose me. She chose me because she had a miscarriage a year before, and she thought she would never had another baby. I was my parents' miracle. My father begged my mother to get cured, she refused. The doctors said she could finish her pregnancy, but, after, there were only a tiny hope that she could be cured because the cancer would have been too advanced after my birth, and it would be too late. As my dad was away for a pretty long time, he told her to go to my uncle Charles and Erik's home, it's a big manor uncle Charles inherited from his father. After my birth, my mother went back to the hospital, she was attentively followed-up care while I was inside of her belly, but it was too late, as the doctors said. They told her she had six months left, and she better enjoy them and her newborn. My father went back for my birth, when she told him, he asked for a year of permission, he explained the army, and they let him take that year. My mom passed five months later instead of six. Dad stayed at uncle Charles' with me until he had to go back to work. He asked uncle Charles and uncle Erik if I could stay with them while he was on duty, to avoid me to move every time, and know that I was somewhere safe, having a normal life. So I lived with my uncles and dad came back each time he could. I had a happy life, and they told me a lot about my mom. They signed me up for ballet at six when I asked them and I dance ever since. What about you ?”

“Me, comparing to you, my life is rather boring. Also, twenty-five. Born, raised and lived all my life in Brooklyn. I have five sisters, my mother is a school teacher and my father is a caterer. My sister Rebecca works with him, she's going to take the business over when dad retires. As you already know, Steve is my best friend, we grew up together, decided to go to the army together and there, we met Sam. Steve's way is already all choose, he's going to be an art teacher, but I don't know yet what I'm gonna do. I chose the army because I didn't know what to do after high school. We signed up and that fucking country was at war. I've seen so many things, horrible things.”

“How long left ?”

“Two years and a half, and I'm gonna be a free man”, I smiled to her, and she smiled back.

 

We continued to speak through dinner and then, we walk in the sweet beginning of the spring. After an hour or so, we reached her apartment block. She fumbled into her purse to find her keys.

 

“I've spent an amazing evening, thank you, Bucky”, she put herself on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek.

 

I watched her pass the door of her building, a goofy smile on my lips, my hand touching my skin where her lips were merely seconds before. I started to walk, jumping happily on my way back home. Then, after that night came some other dates, first kiss, first time, moving together, meeting Logan.

 

“Relax Buck, everything is gonna be alright”, Y/N said, smoothing my shirt.

“I don't know doll, with the portrait you made me about your father, I think I have many reasons to be afraid of him.”

“Bucky, you make me happy, I'm sure that he's going to be happy for me. I'm his only child and all he wants is my happiness”, she stated, leaning her forehead against mine. “Don't you worry”, she pecked my nose and turned back to the meal she was preparing.

“You're the best baby”, I wrapped my arms around her waist, burying my nose in her hair.

 

Thirty minutes later, a tall man with brown hair and hazel eyes, wearing blue jeans and a leather jack, was standing in the doorway, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

 

“Ya must be James”, he stated with a drawling voice.

“Yes, sir. But you can call me Bucky”, I told him, holding out my hand.

“Where's my girl ?”

“She's in the kitchen, finishing dessert. But please, come in.”

 

I moved aside to let him enter the apartment. He stepped in and took a look around. His eyes fell on my uniform that was hanging on a coat rack.

 

“So you're in the army.”

“Yes sir. 107th. I'm going back in the field in a week.”

“Be careful there kid. I know what I'm talking about.”

“Dad !”, Y/N's voice came from the kitchen's doorway.

“Hey bug”, he said turning towards her to hold her in his arms. “Nice place you have here.”

“Thanks. I hope you're hungry, dinner's ready”, she smiled up at him, while she showed him his seat around the table.

 

It turned out that Logan was very nice behind his bear behavior, just a man who cares a lot about his only daughter's well-being. He left shaking my hand, saying that it was nice to meet me and to be careful on the field. He kissed Y/N's forehead, and left, telling her that she had made a great choice.

 

The next week, Y/N and Peggy came with Steve and I to take us to the military base from where we were supposed to leave.

 

“Be careful”, she whispered, “come back to me. Don't do stupid things there, I beg you.”

“Don't worry doll, I will”, I murmured back. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

I lent to kiss her soft lips before taking her into my arms, silent tears falling from her eyes. Next to us, Steve and Peggy were also saying goodbye to each other, Peggy was crying her eyes out, begging Steve to not be reckless this time. When it was finally time, we left the girls and headed to our plane.

 

We came and go for the next two years without any accident, our missions went well, until that bloody day, a little more than six months before the end of my duties. It was supposed to be a recon mission, just a fucking recon mission. I was walking, gazing all around me and then, there were screams, a searing pain, and everything went black. When I opened my eyes, everything around me was white, I was lying in a hospital bed, when I turned my head, Steve was there, half-asleep in a chair. A nurse entered the room.

 

“Glad to see that you're awake Sergeant Barnes”, she softy said. “I'm gonna call the doctor for him to come and see you.”

 

She shook Steve up before exiting the room, telling him that she was going to come back with the doctor.

 

“Shit man, you frightened us !”, Steve exclaimed. “We thought you'd never wake up. You remained unconscious for almost a month ! How do you feel ?”

“A little numb, but I think everything is alright”, I answered him. “Did someone call my parents and Y/N too ?”

“I did, and they were bloody worried. Buck”, he said after a pregnant pause, “I don't know how to say that to you, because you clearly didn't realize it yet but... Because of the bomb that exploded next to you that day, the doctors had to... The doctors had... The doctors had to amputate your left arm Buck, I'm... I'm sorry”, he stuttered.

“What ?!”, I turned my head to my left side and all I saw was an empty place where my left arm usually stand. There's nothing there, just a white sheet and a bandage around what's left of my shoulder. “Have you told anyone ?”, I questioned, clenching my teeth.

“No, I swear. I thought this wasn't my place to do it. I just gave them news, I thought you rather say it to them yourself. I'm gonna call and say that you're awake.”

 

With that, he exited the room. I leaned back on my pillows, sighing heavily. How was I going to tell my folks about it, how would they take it. And Y/N, oh god, she's never going to stay with me, which sane girl would stay with a cripple ? I hadn't the time to think about it because the nurse came back with another woman who was certainly the said-doctor.

 

“Glad to see that you're back to us, Sergeant Barnes. I'm doctor Helen Cho, from the US Army”, she introduced herself. “I'm gonna examine your arm, I need to see how the wound heals”, she lifted my sleeve and removed the bandage from the stump. “It's really clear and it seems to heal well. I'll have to take a look at the scars on your chest too. That bomb hit you pretty badly.”

 

The nurse helped her to remove the hospital gown and I saw what lied underneath.

 

“This is really good”, Doctor Cho said, while looking closely. “You're healing really well. You're going back home really soon. I managed to make you enter a program I'm supervising, it's a program which will give you a prosthetic arm. Did you call your family back there to say you were awake ? Your girlfriend ?”

“My friend, Captain Steve Rogers, is calling them right now. How do you know that I have a girlfriend ?”, I asked, confused.

“You said a girl's name, Y/N, during your sleep once when I came and check on you, Captain Rogers said she was your girlfriend. She's gonna be relieved when she'll know that you're awake and fine.”

“Yeah, I'm really fine, I'm missing an arm, but I'm fine...”, I mumbled.

“Don't worry Sergeant, as soon as you have a foot on the US soil, you'll be taken care of my program and given a brand-new arm and your life will be as it was before, except that you'll be off the army. Congratulations Sergeant Barnes, that wound makes a free man of you. Rest a little and in less than a week, you'll be back home.”

 

With those words, she left the room, the nurse on her heels.

 

She didn't lie, four days later, I was on a plane, on the way back home, Steve next to me. I was wearing a loose hoodie to hide my stump. During the time I was in the military hospital my hair grew and so did my stubble. I'm unrecognizable, I don't look like the man that left anymore. I'm someone else. I've seen so much during those last few months, in addition of my missing arm, and I wasn't a fool, I knew at the moment that the only thing that made me sleep well were the medications I took for my injuries. When the plane landed, I asked Steve if we could wait to be the last to go out, I didn't want to blend in with the crowd, I wanted to go outside, quietly, without anyone to look at me. He accepted and asked one of the air hostess if it was possible. She answered that it was, and we looked at the plane becoming slowly empty.

 

“Ready ?”, Steve asked when every soul were out.

“What if I say no, will I be allowed to stay here forever ?”

“I don't think so Buck. It's your decision. But I know a bunch of people that would be disappointed and worrier if you don't get your ass out of that plane. One of them especially”, he said.

“Y/N”, I whispered.

“Y/N indeed”, he repeated. “I know your folks are impatient to see you too. Your mom says it's not good for you to be alone and withdrawn. She says no one is going to let you down.”

 

Steve got up and thanked the air hostess before I did too and put my hood on my head, nodding to the girl who sadly smiled at me. When we passed the terminal door, my whole family, plus Peggy, Y/N and Logan stood there. My father got my luggage back, and he was standing aside with Logan. Steve passed by me and ran to Peggy and took her in his arms, before kissing her lips passionately.

 

“I missed you, I missed you so much”, she said, between kisses.

 

I paused before continuing to walk, my backpack on my right shoulder, hanging from my back. I looked around and saw my family. In the middle of the way, Y/N was standing there, still, tears in her eyes. I hesitated, but she didn't, she started to walk straight to me and suddenly ran towards me, she threw her arms around my neck and I managed to stay steady despite our two weights. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and cried.

 

“I was so afraid that you didn't come back.”

“I'm here now.”

“And I'm never gonna let you go again.”

 

I put her down on the ground and kissed her softly. I took her hand and we walked to mt family. My sisters and mother were crying too, my father just hugged me and Logan just nodded, but when I saw his eyes that he has been worried too, maybe more for his daughter than for me, but still worried.

 

During the next month, I received the papers from doctor Cho's program and even if I wasn't really into it, Y/N insisted for me to have that intervention and take advantage of the free program, even if it was only at it's beginning. I had physical tests, psychological ones too, the doctors said I better find a shrink in New York. My sleep was less good without the med, but I figured it out that having my girlfriend's hot body sleeping next to me helped soothe me, despite the nightmares. After another month of test and appointment at the therapist, I was admitted in the program. Y/N took her vacations and came with me and in less time than I realized, I had a brand-new arm, metal one. I wasn't armless anymore, but still so damaged.

 

After that, our lives went back to normal. I get used to my new arm, went to the shrink three times a week, started to work as a geography teacher in a junior high. And then there we were, five months ago.

 

One night after work, I was looking at the little velvet black box, containing a beautiful engagement right, I bought a few days before, in secret, that was hiding in my work backpack. I planned to ask Y/N to marry me Saturday night, I booked a table at the restaurant where we had our first date, and ordered for that night all her favorite meals. I heard the door opening, earlier than usual, and I ran to hide the box in my stuff.

 

“Hey doll, you're here earlier tonight”, I said, going to her and kissing her lips. “You look sick and tired.”

“I felt bad today during the rehearsal. I have been nauseous, I wanted to throw up and I even faint. And you know Katie, she insisted for me to see a doctor, so she sent me to the hospital with Sharon and there they asked me a bunch of questions, take a sample of blood and did a test.”

“What's going on ? Nothing serious ? Please, tell me, you're stressing me right now doll.”

“I'm pregnant James”, she softly answered.

“Oh so that's... What ?! Like... Like really ? We're pregnant ?! We're having a baby ?!”

“Yes, James we're having a baby.”

“Oh my god, I love you so much”, I took her in my arms and started spinning with her in my arms. “Wait, I'm... I'm coming back !”

 

I put her down and ran to the bedroom, to pick up the ring in the pocket of my jacket. I came back in the room as fast as I left. Once in front of her, I put one knee down and look up to her, in those beautiful Y/E/C eyes.

 

“Y/N”, I breathed heavily, “for five years now you're illuminating my life, I never thought that I would fall in love so quickly of someone who would take all of me, even after I lost an arm and had night terrors and PTSD, but you're still here, and now, we have a little one on the way. I was supposed to do this on Saturday night but, I think I can't wait, so... Y/N Howlett, will you do the honor of becoming my wife ?”

“Yes, yes, a thousand time yes !!!”, she nearly screamed knocking me down on the floor, peppering my face with kisses.

 

After that, we had a quiet night, having dinner and cuddling on the couch, absentmindedly watching TV.

 

“What do you think about Kayla if it's a girl”, I stated, rubbing her not yet showing baby bump with my right hand.

“Kayla ? As my mom ?”, she asked.

“Yeah, as your mom”, I answered tightening my grip around her. “That would be a tribute to her. Except if your dad doesn't agree with it.”

“I'm sure he would appreciate”, she answered, pecking the top of my nose.

 

The next day, we threw a little party with our respective parents and close friends, to announce them the two news. Everyone congratulated us, Logan a little smile dancing on his lips, he seems so proud and happy.

 

And then, it happened, four days ago, I don't really know how it happened. I had trouble sleeping. I was turning over and over again. Suddenly, I felt a soft hand on my arm and someone was shaking me.

 

“Bucky, wake up. Baby, wake up, it's just a bad dream. Nothing is real, it's a nightmare. Bucky baby wake up”, Y/N's voice was trying to sooth me.

 

I don't know how it happened, but my left hand grabbed her throat and my fingers closed in on her skin.

 

“Bucky, stop it, it's me”, she tried to say out of breath, but I didn't hear her, still in my nightmare.

 

Her hands tried to push me away, but she didn't manage to, I'm too strong and heavy.

 

“Bucky please”, she whispered one last time before her strength gave up.

 

My eyes shot up open and I saw her, barely breathing.

 

“Y/N, doll, say something.”

 

I shook her but she didn't answer. Grabbing my phone, I called 911.

 

“911, what's your emergency ?”

“I'm James Barnes, and I live at the 384 Bridge Street. It's my fiancée, she... I had a crisis during my sleep and I strangled her. It... It was an accident, I'm a veteran and I have a PTSD, I didn't know what I was doing. I...”

“Sir, sir, calm down”, the woman on the other side said. “Is she breathing ?”

“Yes, but, hardly”, I answered, tears falling from my eyes.

“Don't worry mister Barnes, an ambulance is on its way to your home.”

 

I don't know how much time passed in between the moment I hang up and the moment someone knocked the door. Two ambulance men dressed in their white uniforms came in with a stretcher. I showed them the way to the bedroom, and they took Y/N with them to the nearest hospital and let me sit next to her in the ambulance.

 

Once at the hospital, she was taken in charge by a doctor named Bruce Banner. He treated Y/N and intubated her to help the air in her lungs, saying the tube was there to help her breath normally again and that he would remove it in one or two days because she would be able to breathe by herself. He asked me how it happened, and I explained him everything.

 

“Don't worry, this is not your fault mister Barnes. I know what PTSD is. I've treated many patients having it, my best friend was kidnapped by terrorists, and he has it too. I perfectly understand that it's not your fault, James”, he said with a paternalistic tone, putting his hand on my shoulder, “I know it's not. Did you let her family know ?”

“Her father, I... I have to call him”, I answered, remembering that I didn't tell Logan yet, I was so panicked that I completely forgot about telling him that his only daughter was at the hospital, and moreover that she was because of me.

“Give me his number, I'm gonna call him. We transferred miss Howlett in her room, just go with her.”

 

I complied, I had nothing else to do after all. I must have fall asleep holding Y/N's hand, because the next thing I remember is someone shaking me. When I opened my eyes and raised my head, Logan was standing there rage deforming his features.

 

“What happened”, he growled. “I wanna know, right here, right now what happened”, he demanded.

 

Without giving me a second to answer, he caught me by my collar and lifted me up.

 

“It's an accident, I swear. I had a nightmare Logan. And you more than anyone must know what a PTSD is.”

 

He let me go, almost regretting his behavior.

 

“I'm sorry, and you're right, I indeed know what is it.”

 

He sat on the other side of the bed, taking his daughter's other hand and started waiting with me.

 

The next day, doctor Banner came and removed the intubation, saying Y/N was out of danger and that she would wake up, it was only a matter of days.

 

And that's how it led to today and me keeping bringing all of this up. Logan left a few minutes ago to breathe some fresh air, and he's probably smoking a cigar right now and Steve came to have some news. I've been thinking about what to do and already made up my mind.

 

“I'm gonna leave her as soon as she's awake.”

“You can't do that Buck, she loves you. She loves you more than anything in that world”, Steve states, his gaze traveling from Y/N's motionless form to me.

“ **A monster like me doesn’t deserve to be loved** ”, I say calmly.

“Do you hear yourself ? Do you really think that if you really were a monster she would agree to marry you ? Do you really think that she would have want to have a baby with you ? Jeez, Bucky, how can you be so stupid ?!”

“I ruin everything I touch. How could she even thought that I was or could be the prince she dreamed of.”

“This is so stupid Buck, you're not gonna abandon her and your baby to come. How do you think she's gonna react when you're going to tell her that you leave her ?”

“I'm gonna leave before she wakes up”, I end the conversation before Steve can say something else.

 

By the end of the day, Logan leaves again after telling me that he will come back tomorrow. That's the moment I have to leave, tonight, while nobody else is here. It's cruel, but it's gonna be crueler if I stay and put Y/N in danger again and our baby too. It might seem selfish but I have to. I go down in the hospital shop, buy a card and flowers. I write my goodbyes on the card and put it next to her bed.

 

“I'm sorry my love, but I have to do this”, I say, putting down a kiss on her forehead, and rubbing her baby bump where the baby kicks when my hand touches the little bulge it makes.

“James, James”, Y/N's voice came like a croak.

“Listen to me doll. I'm gonna let you go, I better let you go. I better set you free and give you up to find the prince you thought I was.”

 

Without saying another word and looking one last time, I go through the door and walk towards the hospital's exit, and disappear into the night.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to yell at me in the comments but know that I already planned a sequel from the reader's POV.


End file.
